Becoming More Confident | My Story
I wasn't always confident. In fact, I don't think anyone is always confident. I think it's something that ebbs and flows.
I had a really long childhood ebb. Like a lot of people... probably a lot of you reading this even!
I was not the popular kid in elementary school, or the one that a lot of kids wanted to spend time with. I never did figure out why. But what I did know is that I wasn't picked first for things. If I was invited to birthday parties or other childhood events, it was kind of an afterthought. Like, oh... we probably should invite her. I was left out of games on the playground.
But one thing in particular that really stuck with me for a long time, was being called "squareface". In hindsight, I laugh at it, because I'm like "what even is that?" Why did that bother me so much? Like why couldn't I just blow that off as a kid becuase it was so silly.
But, I think it was meant for a greater purpose. It was the catalyst to where I'm at today.
You see... I created a story in my mind that squareface was ugly. I couldn't picture it being anything but ugly. So, for YEARS I kept that story. When I reached junior high and high school, all of my friends started wearing makeup and looked so pretty in what my mind saw as pretty - with their normal shaped faces.
I remember asking several times to be allowed to wear makeup, and my mom would respond with rejection because I "had beautiful skin" and I didn't need it. Somehow in my not-confident, twisted mindset I was able to connect that to... I'm destined to have an ugly squareface. But, I was allowed to wear mascara. Just mascara. I think eventually that morphed into, I could experiment with eyeshadow, but nothing more.
As I got older - as in like this was 5 years ago or so - I realized that I didn't ever learn how to do makeup, and it started to bother me. So I made a decision that I wanted to learn how to do my own. The only thing I knew of being an option was going to a MAC makeup counter and having them do my makeup. The rule at the counter was... you can get a free makeover if you purchase at least $50 in product. Well, I had full intention of going in and buying everything they put on my face, because I knew I wanted to be able to learn and replicate it. I spent almost $400 on makeup that day. My husband was a little sticker shocked, but he wanted to support me in something that he knew bothered me. Bless his heart.
I still got comments that "I didn't need it, because my skin was beautiful." As though, makeup is only meant to cover up what isn't beautiful. Which isn't true. I also was told that if I used it, I'd break out and end up with problematic skin. Also, not true.
I wore it anyway. But I struggled. It felt heavy and cakey. It looked dry and sort of crusty. I couldn't get it to look healthy and glowing. And then I began to learn more about skincare. I never had major problems with acne or breakouts, but I did have major problems with dry skin. It was really unhappy for like ever. I never did anything to or for my skin until my mid-late twenties.
But every skincare routine I tried was so many steps. And I'm not that patient. It had to be easy or I wouldn't use it.
So, for a while I just quit with everything - makeup, skincare, anything. And in the meantime, my confidence plummeted. How was I in my late twenties and knew nothing about makeup or skincare? I also knew I didn't want to keep spending mass amounts of money on makeup at the MAC counter, especially when I really didn't love it anyhow.
I knew there had to be other options though. So I tried MANY other brands - drugstore and high end. I started following beauty youtubers to learn things. I slowly learned, but never managed to find a foundation that I liked with my skin and my skin was struggling more with dryness than it ever did.
In 2017, I began using Maskcara's IIID Foundation and Tres Leches skincare, and not only has my confidence done a complete turn around... my skin is happier and healthier than it's ever been. I'm forever grateful for that.
And if I know one thing about makeup (especially this makeup), it is that makeup isn't meant to cover something, it's meant to enhance it. Your beauty IS already on the inside and the outside of you, but bringing forward your MOST beautiful features is not a crime. My favorite part about my current makeup routine is that I still look like me.
And if you're wondering, I no longer carry the baggage from being called squareface for years of my childhood. I have been able to let it go. I look at myself in the mirror completely differently, and because I can see myself differently and find beauty in so many aspects of myself, I can see it in others in a completely different way too! And what a gift that really is!